The Science of Success- Five Things You Never Knew About Building Real Self- Esteem
Matt Bodnar has done the world a service again with this podcast! On his most recent episode, Matt interviews Dr. David Lieberman, “a New York Times best belling author and expert in human behavior and interpersonal relationships,” on the May 17th episode titled, “Five Things You Never Knew About Building Real Self-Esteem.” Matt and Dr. Lieberman have a fascinating conversation in detail about how to build self-control and self-esteem; two areas that I struggled with growing up.
Wasting no time, Matt begins the conversation asking Dr. Lieberman about the underlying reasoning for why people become angry and we begin our journey on a topic most people avoid. Vulnerability. Dr. Lieberman begins speaking about interpersonal relationships and how “a person is mocked, or scorned, ridiculed, embarrassed, feels ashamed,” and how these “all have their core, their root, at feeling vulnerable.” He continues to say, “Ultimately, it’s that sensation that we are rejected, that we’re not good enough, that were powerless over a situation, or over (our) ability to connect to other people is what causes us to become angry.” It was just a month ago that I was journaling and writing a blog post that I realized that I’d been carrying a lot more anger with me than I’d ever acknowledged.
My best friends in college recognized it right away and who knows how many interactions I’ve had that people could see what I was not aware of. I had been given a hard time a lot growing up, and the constant effort of putting myself out there to seek meaningful friendships and relationships often combined with a feeling of rejection, well documented in my early journals. This key area for me is finally being given some clarity. “When we feel powerless, unless we’re able to acknowledge those feelings, they are going to manifest in an unhealthy way.” I couldn’t agree with Dr. Lieberman more! I can see now that hockey came into my life when I needed an outlet to express my anger and how my current fitness motivation has a root in pushing through that pain and dealing with my frustration. Matt also offers an excellent summary stating, “this idea that when people are angry, it’s often coming from a place where they’re scared, or hurt. They may not even recognize that at a conscious level, but in many ways it’s not about you. It’s often about them and their own personal issues.” A mere five minutes into this podcast, I’d begun to face what I’ve buried in journals and locked behind mental doors to be left unopened.
This podcast was also interesting to reveal that those with the lowest self-esteem are the most controlling. Dr. Lieberman describes beautifully that “The degree to which we have self-esteem, the more I love me, the more I respect me, the more I’m able to respect and love other people and the more I’m able to receive and accept their love.” I also learned that people with low self-esteem “recognize at a very deep level that they don’t feel lovable.” Continuing, “they push you away” and “they have a hard time giving love and respect, because you can only give what you’ve got.” When Dr. Lieberman claims that those with low self-esteem control, “because they need to be able to try to influence your behavior, to influence the circumstances, because they don’t feel in control of themselves,” I can improve my ability to be aware of why people are doing as they are. My curiosity with why people do what they do, and motivation is full and satisfied as I work to digest all of the content of this podcast. There is so much to learn that I had to stop what I was writing about and share this episode. An insightful look into self-esteem and self- worth, well done by the Science of Success. And possibly a great place to begin a journey to where your change happens?